Funnies

I have friends who send me jokes by mail, most of which I delete - especially those that have Powerpoint presentation!
I liked this list sent by my cousin in Thanjavur and enjoyed many of the definitions.

here they are....

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a
fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are
more ! popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and
a woman gains her master

4. Divo rce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of
either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine water-power .

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens &
everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you
have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you
actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide
that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of
when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you
actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls
into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway
"See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got
caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are
early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his
bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for forwarding & reading such
mails......!